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Discovering Users Needs: Empathy - the Only Product Interview Tool You’ll Ever Need
Which product professional hasn't seen that meme? You know the one: on one side, a gloriously over-engineered cat tree, boasting every conceivable feature a feline could possibly desire. On the other, a contented cat curled up in a simple cardboard box. Captioned: "Product features" vs. "User needs."
It’s funny because it’s true, and painfully so for those of us building digital products. The truth is, designing without understanding your user is a shortcut to irrelevance. Fortunately, we’re building most IT products for people rather than cats. And people share our reality and language, and will talk to us - if we know how to listen.
Now, you might be thinking of all the classic tools and pro-tips for great product interviews: meticulous scripts, open-ended questions, the 5 Whys, and so on. And of course they can all be useful. But how do you really run meaningful user interviews that actually lead to better products?
You don’t need a perfect script.
You don’t need a fancy tool.
You don’t need a PhD in behavioral science.
You need empathy.
Getting Past the Script: How Structure Limits Discovery
How does this play out in practice? First, don’t be afraid to deviate from your beautifully written interview structure. It's great to have your script in front of you, especially if you get lost. But it’s not an instruction manual for starting a nuclear reactor, so you don't have to follow it religiously. It's a conversation with another human being, and by its very nature, it's unpredictable – especially if you want to be open to what the other person has to say. And you do want that, which is why you invited them!
In every conversation jot down:
- problems to solve,
- everything that will help you solve these problems,
- all information that helps you understand the world of your products' users.
But if your interviewee isn't interested in discussing the problem or solution you had in mind, allow them to talk about what truly bothers them, even if it seems hardly related or falls outside your immediate scope.
Firstly, your interviewee should also get something out of this conversation.
Secondly, you'll be surprised how often you'll find relevant points of connection if you're attentive. Even if this doesn’t happen immediately, it very well could in the future. I often revisit problems that come up "by chance," as they offer an excellent source of new ideas for improvements or features.
Interviews, especially product discovery type interviews, really are about discovery. It's like exploring new territory. Treat your script like a compass, not a GPS. A safety net instead of an obligatory checklist.
Understanding the "Why": The Power of Cognitive Empathy
Next up: practice cognitive empathy.
In contrast to emotional empathy, which focuses on understanding and experiencing the emotions of another person, cognitive empathy is the ability to adopt someone else’s way of thinking and observe reality from their perspective. In short: to build a box for a cat, you have to think like a cat.
There's a story I really like, even if I'm not sure it's entirely true. Apparently many years ago, the famous primatologist Jane Goodall tried to train a young chimpanzee who kept using her hut as a bathroom. Each time she caught the chimp relieving itself on the floor, she’d scold it, show it the mess it made, and toss it out. One day, after she had caught the chimp once again pooping on her floor, she then witnessed it make eye contact with her, look at the floor, spank itself, and jump out the window. It had learned the ritual, but not the message.
This is exactly what happens when we assume our users think like we do. We come up with solutions only to fail miserably and cause frustration on both sides.
Cognitive empathy helps us reach beneath the surface. It helps us understand why someone clicks three times when they only need to do so once. And it fulfills the other person’s need to feel heard, understood, and accepted, thereby developing trust and willingness to share frustrations and doubts.
Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss built his entire negotiation method around this kind of empathy. He used tactics like:
- Active listening: without interpreting, filtering through your own biases, or silencing the internal monologue. Focusing 100% on the content of what you hear, not on your assumptions about what it may mean.
- Mirroring (mirrors): repeating the last 1-3 or most important words of the interlocutor helps create a connection, and encourages them to elaborate further on the key issues (e.g. 'It's hard to work with this tool, because it has too few options!' - 'It has too few options…')
- Labeling: naming the emotional state of the other person aloud (e.g., 'It looks like you're afraid that without this data you won't be able to track the market.')
Most importantly, all these tactics aim to understand the other side's world and encourage the interviewee to present their point of view, leaving as little room for assumptions as possible.
Have you ever been in a situation where, after a product conversation with a colleague, you had completely different impressions? I once blurted out to a colleague after an interview: "Well, that looks pretty bad." To which my colleague replied: "What are you talking about? It’s very promising!" This is the direct effect of imposing our own interpretations instead of active listening.
I, being more skeptical by nature, was looking for signs of project risk in the conversation. My colleague, a perpetual optimist, interpreted everything positively. I'll emphasize this again: we heard the exact same conversation and the same words. But we both focused on what we understood, not on what was actually said. With that in mind, I heartily recommend drawing from the empathetic wisdom of the FBI!
Building Trust: Why Liking Matters
Even the most insightful questions and best frameworks fall flat if the conversation feels transactional. Therefore, it's good not to completely switch off your emotional empathy and ensure your interviewee feels good, too. Remember, the person you're talking to is dedicating to you the most valuable currency in the modern world: their time. You don't want them to leave the conversation feeling like they've wasted their time or are completely exhausted.
At the same time, you want them to open up, which isn't always easy. Sometimes your interviewee might be afraid that they'll seem ignorant about something, or might feel incompetent because they've never used a certain feature. People want to feel understood and heard, and cognitive empathy undoubtedly helps. But it also doesn't hurt if they feel important and appreciated for the knowledge and competence they share, as well as safe enough to tell us things that might cause them a little anxiety.
And here’s what makes a difference:
- Smile: a basic yet effective tool. A natural, genuine smile evokes positive feelings. Nothing more, nothing less.
- Appreciation: let your interviewee know why you wanted to talk to them. Thank them for sharing their insights. Be explicit about the value their feedback brings.
- Be present: active participation goes beyond nodding along. Follow up. Be curious. And put the phone down.
- Compliments (the real kind): it’s not about inflating someone’s ego, or, even worse, complimenting their eye-colour. Let your interviewee know whenever their insights are especially eye-opening.
- Stay kind and civil: need I say more?
This isn’t fluff. It directly impacts the quality of the insights you get. I participated as a user in interviews where the interviewer didn’t smile, didn’t ask about my work, didn’t react to anything I said. Just plowed through the questions like it was a survey. Halfway through, I mentally checked out.
The result? A waste of time for both of us.
On the other hand, when users feel respected, they tend to give better answers, open up more, and often follow up later with extra thoughts. I’ve had interviewees email me days later saying, “I kept thinking about our conversation, and I realized something else…”
That’s when you know you’ve done something right.
The Empathetic Path to Better Products
The simple truth is: everyone can conduct great product interviews and build great products based on them. Often, it turns out that new features aren't even needed; it's enough to understand how to improve existing ones to better meet your users' expectations.
So, how do you conduct product interviews? Empathetically. That means:
- Don't stick rigidly to the structure. Plan it, but let your script support your interview instead of limiting it.
- Engage cognitive empathy. Understand your interviewee and see the world from their perspective. Don't let your biases and experiences influence how you interpret their behavior and words.
- Ensure the interviewee's comfort and well-being. They are important and needed – let them know that.
You might not reinvent the cat tree. But your users will certainly thank you with loyalty, engagement, dollars, and from time to time - perhaps even a picture of their cat.
